


Disaster Hearts

by kitarin



Series: Nicotine [5]
Category: Kamen Rider Drive
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-19 21:26:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4761632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitarin/pseuds/kitarin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Disaster has a way of remaking our hearts - Long after all the thunder and scars - Days pass and bit by bit we begin to restart - Our disaster hearts</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disaster Hearts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ekala](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ekala/gifts).



Shinnosuke has often been on the receiving end of Chase's brutal strength, so it's very unsettling to realize how small and slight he actually feels in Shinnosuke's arms. He also doesn't weigh any more than a normal human does, which makes it thankfully easy for Shinnosuke to carry him through the apartment and carefully lay him down on the bed. It also makes it easy for Shinnosuke to simply treat the Roidmude the same way he would a human.

Pulling off Chase's boots, he walks them back out to the front door and sets them down beside his own shoes. Returning to his bedroom, he stands at the side of the bed in a heartbeat of hesitation before sitting down beside Chase. Leaning over him, it takes a moment of fiddling with the jacket before he can figure out how to unzip it. Sliding an arm under Chase's shoulders, he tugs it free it and can't help but smile when he realizes that the shirt underneath is also purple.

Settling Chase back onto the bed again, Shinnosuke can't help but linger, one hand drifting slowly to brush Chase's hair away from his eyes.

There's nothing wrong with him as far as Krim or Rinna can tell, so all they can do is hope that he wakes up.

Shinnosuke _refuses_ to believe that he won't.

But for the moment... it's a waiting game. A terrible, awfully-timed waiting game.

Still running on adrenaline, Shinnosuke lets his autopilot kick back in and rises from the bed to hang both his and Chase's jackets over the back of a chair. He loosens his tie, unbuttons a few buttons and rolls up the sleeves of his shirt, glancing at the clock on the wall. It's long past his usual dinnertime and he hasn't eaten since... did he even eat breakfast this morning? Time feels more skewed than usual after the events of the day.

Habit brings the number of his favorite pizza place up in his phone as he heads towards the kitchen, but halfway down the hallway, he just stops mid-step and stares blankly at the number.

_How many pizzas have I ordered for myself and Gou in the last few months... for myself and Hayase before that..._

_What toppings does Chase like?_

_...Does Chase even like pizza?_

… _...does Chase even eat?_

Frustrated with his wandering mind, he hits the call button and orders the pizza anyway, just the way he usually does, just because it's what he usually does... and tries not to think about where Gou might be at this precise moment in time.

Shoving the phone back in his pocket as he reaches the kitchen, Shinnosuke then yanks open the refrigerator, searching for a normalcy that just isn't there – the milk expired four days ago, that bottle of soda is probably flat, he doesn't remember ordering Chinese – Gou again – and pulls out a beer. It's the last one.

And then he's suddenly sitting on the floor with his back against the refrigerator, his knees drawn up to his chin, the beer pressed cold against his flushed cheek as hot tears roll down his face.

_001 is Makage... and he killed my father... and he's manipulating the entire police force... Gou has joined up with Brain... why? It doesn't make sense! And Chase is...what they did to Chase..._

He can't finish the thought, and his mind loops in circles of rage and frustration and uncertainty. It's too much at once, more than he can entirely process, but he knows he won't be able to think clearly until he lets himself feel just how angry he is, just how hurt he is...

Because all of it is still better than the _numb_ he'd been for months after the Global Freeze, and if there's anything that being Drive has taught him, it's that he can't win this fight without both the clearest mind and the strongest heart. He can't let himself sink back into the molasses again.

So he lets himself have until the doorbell rings, and then he eats a slice of pizza and drinks the half-warm beer, and feels a little bit more like himself.

Chase is still exactly as Shinnosuke left him when he returns to the bedroom and he doesn't wake when Shinnosuke strips off the rest of his suit, peels off his socks and finally collapses on the bed beside him.

Rolling onto his side, Shinnosuke watches the slight rise and fall of Chase's chest and wonders if breathing is essential or automatic or voluntary...or just a good sign in general. Chase's hand is cool but not cold when Shinnosuke curls his own around it, and he lets his eyes drift closed. He's not going to sleep, not really, he's just resting his eyes...

 

* * *

 

fighting Before. fighting After. blurring into one continuous dirge.

Memories glitch in and out, distorted fragments of sound and flickers of previously forgotten images.

_Hope._

_Loyalty._

_Failure._

_**Pain.** _

The screaming dulls... first into static... and then eventually into silence.

 

* * *

 

When Chase finally returns to reality, it's sudden and jarring, crushing and confusing - His eyes snap open and he sits up with a sharp gasp, one hand clutching his chest - “ _Heart!_ ”

Firmly dislodged from where he'd had an arm across Chase's middle, Shinnosuke is instantly awake and sitting up as well. “...Chase?”

It's dark in the room, but he'd left the light in the hallway on, and it's enough to see that Chase's eyes are wild and lost. Shinnosuke is momentarily struck dumb, having never seen that kind of expression on the other's face before, and then he acts purely on instinct, sliding an arm around Chase's shoulders.

Chase allows himself to be turned into the familiar gesture, wordlessly burying his face against Shinnosuke's shoulder.

Shinnosuke finds himself surprised yet again, but he winds his other arm around Chase too, breathing slowly and deliberately in contrast to Chase's shuddering. His hand runs in a slow circle on Chase's upper back as he tries again, “Chase? Are you okay?”

Chase finally lifts his head at the sound of Shinnosuke's voice, then relaxes incrementally as their eyes meet, the words slipping out almost automatically. “Tomari Shinnosuke.”

Shinnosuke decides to take it as a good sign that Chase both recognizes him, and doesn't seem to view him as a threat. “Just Shinnosuke,” he reminds him just as automatically as he loosens his hold on the other rider. “We're in my apartment. Do you remember what happened?”

“What happened.” The words come across more as a statement than a question but as Shinnosuke starts to let go of him, Chase's hand snaps out to circle his wrist, keeping him from moving away.

“...with your Proto-Drive shift car?” Shinnosuke prods gently, placing his own hand over Chase's in an attempt to reassure him.

“...Proto-Drive.......” Chase's eyes flicker in confusion for a moment as memories wash over him – Krim, the Global Freeze, fighting the Roidmudes... failing... losing... losing _everything_... what they did to him... what _Heart_ did to him...

“Chase?” Shinnosuke frowns as Chase's eyes unfocus, his grip on Shinnosuke's wrist reaching a slightly painful point. “It's okay if you don't want to talk about it right now...” Still nothing. Shinnosuke reaches out a hand to shake Chase by the shoulder, trying to meet his gaze. “Do you... do you want some water? Something to eat? Is there something I can do to help?”

...that they  _erased_ his memories! Turned him into some sort of … soulless... “....what am I?”

“...what?” Shinnosuke blinks at Chase, who's beginning to vibrate again, his breaths quick and shallow, the way a human's might be if they were about to cry. But Chase's eyes are dry, even if his expression is utterly stricken.

“Why am I not like the others?”

This isn't a question that Shinnosuke is even remotely prepared for and he stumbles, shaking his head slowly. “I... I don't know...” Truthfully, Chase has never been like any of the other Roidmudes – he's always felt like an anomaly, like someone Shinnosuke ought to be fighting with and not against. That gut instinct had been exactly on the money, so all Shinnosuke could continue to do was trust that feeling. “...but what matters, Chase... is that you're _you._ ”

It's hard to tell whether or not Chase really hears Shinnosuke's response as he starts to mutter, “000... a proto-type... can't destroy cores... do I have a core?”

Shinnosuke answers him again anyway, hoping that maybe if he can help Chase sort through this, everything will... somehow be okay. _It can't be an easy thing, a memory dump like he just experienced..._ “...there was something that exploded the day I...” Shinnosuke swallows hard, as saying this phrase is still difficult. “The day I killed you?”

Chase's eyes suddenly re-focus and meet Shinnosuke's gaze with a sharp shake of his head. “You did  _not_ kill me, Tomari Shinnosuke. You set me free. You gave me a  _choice_ ...” Chase's words trail off as he considers, remembers, his breakdown by the river and the look on Heart's face as he returned the Proto-Drive shift car.  _If you can't find your own path, then there's no sense trying to sway your decision._ Perhaps... Heart had also decided to, wanted to... give him the choice? But if Chase could  _choose_ , then he'd have them all stand on the same side...

“...I'm glad you see it that way,” Shinnosuke starts, lifting the hand that was resting on Chase's to grip his shoulder instead, shaking it slightly in attempt to keep him in the moment when he goes quiet again. There's pain etched in his features that Shinnosuke's not used to seeing and it's actually a little unsettling. “But as far as I can tell, you're the one who's been saving all of us, all along. You were the one who was out there during the Global Freeze, fighting for humanity...”

“But I _failed_...”

Shinnosuke doesn't even give Chase the chance to continue that thought, heat coming into his expression at those too-familiar words. He knows this internal guilt-loop – he's _lived_ it – it _burns_. Before he can even second-guess what he's doing, the hand on Chase's shoulder slides around the back of his neck and Shinnosuke kisses him, hard. For a moment, he's terrified he's made the wrong leap, but then Chase kisses him back, equally forceful, and Shinnosuke finds himself trying to talk in between kisses. “Nobody's perfect, Chase – we _all_ fail sometimes – but we – get back up again - it doesn't... it doesn't make you less... of a Kamen Rider.”

These words seem to light a spark somewhere deep in Chase and he pulls back for a moment, his breathing still quick and shallow, but his expression far less distant and distressed. “Kamen Rider...”

“That's what you are... _who_ you are...” Shinnosuke nods furiously, his cheeks flushed and his heart trying to pound its way out of his chest. “And... and you're part of our team.”

_Kamen Rider._ Heart had given him the choice, and even with no memories of his own to guide him, he'd still come back to being a Kamen Rider again. Truthfully, it was only his feelings that had guided him, feelings that could not be erased from his heart... So did it matter whether or not he was a human or a Roidmude? If, in his failure, he'd created the space for Tomari Shinnosuke to become Drive...? Tomari Shinnosuke... the one person besides Kiriko who'd seen through that brainwashing to the truth in Chase's heart, a thing he would not soon forget. “...thank you, Tomari Shinnosuke.”

“I... you're welcome?” Shinnosuke can't help but smile, because he means it, every word of it. He and Chase have both fucked up in their own ways, and yet... out of that, they've also become part of the same team. And even if Shinnosuke still feels guilty about what happened to Hayase, he doesn't have one ounce of regret about becoming Drive. He doesn't have one ounce of regret for believing Kiriko about Chase. Shinnosuke wasn't really one for believing in fate or destiny, but it felt to him that justice had prevailed in bringing them all together. And... even if he didn't know what the hell was wrong with Gou right now, he still had the utmost faith that the three of them would be fighting side by side when the end came. “And I meant it, Chase – if there's _anything_ I can do to help you – if... if you wanna crash here for tonight...or for a while?”

“...I do not want to be alone, so that offer is much appreciated,” Chase answers evenly and honestly. Looking down at where he's been gripping Shinnosuke's wrist this entire time, he finally lets his fingers loosen. “...my apologies-”

“Are not necessary,” Shinnosuke interrupts, turning his hand over in Chase's and weaving their fingers together. “You can stay here as long as you want to.”

Chase stares at their hands, his mind flashing to watching Shinnosuke take Gou's hand, that same day that Gou had kissed him underneath the overpass. The sensory memory of their kiss floods his system, followed by a wave of _pain_ at also remembering Gou at Brain's side. It feels as if he is suddenly acutely aware of Shinnosuke's proximity, of the comfort and heat emanating from Shinnosuke's hand across the back of his neck, and he lifts a hand to touch one finger to his lips. “Anything...”

“Eh?” Shinnosuke watches the gesture and flushes immediately, annoyingly turned on by how _cute_ Chase is, probably without even meaning to be. He has to fight the impulse to lean in and claim those lips, instead focusing on what Chase is trying to ask him.

“You said... anything...?” There's far more hesitation in Chase's voice than his usual deadpan statements.

Shinnosuke swallows hard again, wondering if he's just jumping to conclusions or if Chase is really trying to ask him... “Is there something you want, Chase?” His hands feel clammy with nerves and he wonders if Chase can tell, or would even understand what that means.

Chase already knows Shinnosuke well enough to read the nerves in his expression, but not enough to know the cause. Still, he knows that he can take the other rider at his word, always, so after a long moment of silence, he gives the truth as best as he can word it. “...your touch...” Reaching out, he presses the finger that had been against his own lips against Shinnosuke's instead. “...your kiss... it... helps?”

Kissing the fingertip against his lips, Shinnosuke nods and leans in a little bit. Chase meets him halfway and this time, their kissing is soft and breathy, feeling each other out. When Shinnosuke gets bold enough to run his tongue along Chase's upper lip, Chase answers in kind, parting his lips in further invitation. Any hesitation either of them had melts away as their tongues meet, teasing and twirling until Chase startles Shinnosuke by catching his and sucking hard. The noise he emits is halfway between surprise and arousal and when Chase lets go, Shinnosuke breaks their kiss for a moment to catch his breath.

“...you wish to stop?” Chase murmurs immediately, even though what he really wants is to surge after the other Rider and kiss him again. Convey in touch what he can't ever seem to put into words.

“No, no, not at all,” Shinnosuke flusters for a moment. “You just... surprised me...” But he's embarrassed about the noise he made, and about Chase getting the better of him so quickly, and about how hard he already is. But every second he delays, the worry in Chase's eyes grows, and he _hates_ that look. “ _Good_ surprise,” he hastily clarifies, and then, thinking actions might be better understood than words, he leans in again.

Chase is expecting another kiss, but Shinnosuke surprises him this time, diverting from Chase's lips to trail a line of kisses along his jaw, and then just underneath his ear. The sensation spikes pleasure through Chase's body and he shivers, which only encourages Shinnosuke further. Dragging his tongue over the same spot pulls a long, low moan out of Chase, who lets his free hand wind around Shinnosuke, gripping his shoulder hard, nails digging in. “...do you want me to stop?” Shinnosuke breathes against his neck.

“N-no,” Chase answers immediately, surprised at how shaky his one word response sounds. “No stopping.”

“No stopping?” Shinnosuke can't help but smile against Chase's neck at the bluntness, but he knows he's going to ask again anyway. “Then... like this?” And he licks a line down the column of Chase's neck and into the curve where his neck meets his shoulder, utterly delighted when he pulls another moan out of Chase. Perhaps it's because Chase is normally so quiet that he enjoys drawing these sounds out of him? The purple shirt's in the way of going any further with the motion, though, so he pulls back and catch Chase's lips again.  
  
This time, their kiss is far more of a battle between the two of them, tongues twirling and teeth nipping as they both try and fail to completely dominate it. Shinnosuke's hand drifts up into Chase's hair, weaving through it and using it to angle their faces so he can kiss Chase even more deeply, and when the next moan vibrates into him, he can't help but moan back.

Shinnosuke's hand in his hair makes Chase want to feel his hands other places, makes him wonder what Shinnosuke would feel like in other places. Without breaking their kiss, he yanks his hand from the other's, burying both hands in Shinnosuke's hair, noting how he can feel Shinnosuke's breathing catch when he does.

Maybe he's leading by example or maybe Chase is a fast learner or maybe Chase has done this before, but Shinnosuke doesn't want to break their kiss to ask. Using touch instead of words, he slides his hands up and down Chase's back until his fingers creep under the hem of Chase's shirt, nails dragging lightly against the bare skin.

Chase breaks their kiss this time, a question in his eyes, and he asks at the same moment that Shinnosuke does:

 

“Do you wish to take it off?”

“Do you want to stop?”

 

Shinnosuke laughs softly, still nervous, his eyes glassy and bright, and then reaches to pull his own undershirt off over his head, dumping it over the side of the bed. “Or did you mean your own?”

Chase gives Shinnosuke the most confused expression for a moment, but it's uncertain whether it's at Shinnosuke's actions or his laughter. “I... believe I already answered that question.”

Shinnosuke's laughter dies out as he watches Chase pull off his shirt in response, revealing every perfectly carved ab, and he can't help himself anymore. With both hands to Chase's shoulders, he gently pushes the other down onto the bed, swinging one long leg over Chase's hip to tangle them together.

Spreading his hands across the warmth of Shinnosuke's back, Chase revels in the pleasure of so much bare skin against his own. _More..._ This touch, this connection... he doesn't ever want it to stop... because it's the most alive he's felt... maybe ever? _I want more._ In this moment, in this space with Shinnosuke, it doesn't matter who or what they are, except that they are teammates... friends... lovers?

It isn't until Chase surges up against him to draw him back into a kiss, grinding their hips together, that Shinnosuke realizes that he's not the only one who's painfully hard. _Chase wants me too._ And inside those tight leather pants, it can't be comfortable, and shouldn't he...?

Chase groans at the friction between them and thankfully answers Shinnosuke's question for him by wedging a hand between them, yanking at his belt.

Shinnosuke has stopped over-thinking or worrying about anything other than how good and right this feels to him now that can tell Chase wants this too, and he moves easily, helping Chase peel out of his pants, unbuckled belt still attached.

Of course, his underwear are purple.

Chase is bewildered when Shinnosuke suddenly collapses on top of him in peels of laughter against Chase's ribs. “...I do not understand?”

It's a struggle to collect himself and Shinnosuke just shakes his head, the corners of his eyes tearing up. “Gou was right - Everything you wear _is_ purple.”

The statement seems to go right over Chase's head, or at least, he doesn't quite understand the humor in it, or why it means that Tomari has stopped again. “Purple is my favorite color.”

“Of course it is...”

“Do you want to stop?” Chase tosses Shinnosuke's own question back at him with just a hint of snark leaking into his usual deadpan. “Or do you wish to remove them?”

Shinnosuke blinks at the attitude in the question and then grins. “No one ever really gives you enough credit, do they?”

“Do they?” Chase's eyebrows lift, but when Shinnosuke doesn't move, he hooks his own thumbs into his underwear. “Do you...?”

“Do I...” It takes Shinnosuke a second to catch on to the double meaning, but then he shakes his head, his answer far more serious as he removes the last of his own clothing. “No... I don't want to stop.”

Shinnosuke moves to cover Chase's body with his own again, but Chase has other ideas, grabbing Shinnosuke by the shoulders and rolling them until they're on their sides, face to face. Pulling Shinnosuke in close, Chase presses his lips to a collarbone as their dicks brush up against each other, causing Shinnosuke's hips to twitch forward.

“Chasssse...” Shinnosuke whines a little, grinding forward as he feels Chase's lips become teeth. Trailing fingers down Chase's side, he hesitates on a hip bone for a moment before boldly wrapping his hand around Chase's dick, stroking slowly.

Hearing his name in that tone of voice makes Chase's breath catch just as his hips stutter forward into Shinnosuke's hand. It only takes him a moment to wrap his own hand around Shinnosuke's dick, squeezing a little, and when he lifts his face, Shinnosuke kisses him again roughly.

Reality blurs into a haze of pleasure echoed back and forth between them, knuckles grazing as they steal each other's pace, mimic each other's style, until it's too difficult to tell anything besides the speed at which Shinnosuke is approaching orgasm.

Ripping himself away from Chase's kiss, he pants against the other's mouth. “Chase, I... I...”

Chase is equally breathless, his eyes blown almost black with lust when they flicker open to read Shinnosuke's expression. “I... I am also...” he offers, uncertain and too close to the edge to really stop.

Shinnosuke smiles for a second, shakes his head minutely. “I... I want to...”  
  
For once, Chase thinks he actually knows what Shinnosuke is trying to ask him, but he presses anyway, bringing them full circle. “Is there something you want, Tomari Shinnosuke?”

He totally deserves that, and if Chase had been honest enough to ask for his touch in the first place, then he should be equally honest in return. “...I want... to take you.”

There's a few seconds of pitter-patter heartbeats and mingled breaths before Chase murmurs back against his lips. “You may take me as you please.”

Shinnosuke kisses Chase again, far softer this time, and then rolls them again, reaching over Chase to the table beside his bed. There's an instant where the movement makes him think of Gou, of being here in this same place together, but he shakes it off hard. He wants to be present in the here and now, with the person whose touch and affection has driven him to the edge.

Chase arches against Shinnosuke at the sudden and cold intrusion into his ass, but old memories drift to the surface to remind him this isn't the first time. But he doesn't want to think back on where he's come from, but instead let himself fully feel and experience this bond of trust he's formed with Shinnosuke. He grinds his hips against Shinnosuke's fingers to let him know not to stop.

Pushing Chase's legs apart, Shinnosuke settles himself between them as he works his fingers in and out of Chase. Watching the changing expressions on Chase – pain and pleasure and desire – is beautiful beyond words and even when he reaches down to ready himself with his free hand, Shinnosuke's eyes never leave Chase's face.

Chase's eyes only snap open to focus on Shinnosuke's face when he pulls his hand away and he groans at the loss of friction, his hips jerking upwards. Shinnosuke's hands settle on Chase's hips instead, shifting both of them, and their eyes lock as Shinnosuke pushes into him, hard and fast.

Gasping sharply, Chase's eyes flutter closed, his hands snapping up to grip Shinnosuke's arms. Shinnosuke feels hot and hard inside him, but it isn't until he pulls back and snaps his hips forward again, sinking even deeper, that pleasure spreads like fire along every one of Chase's nerves. “...Shinnosuke!”

Shinnosuke's hips stutter and his eyes snap open, gazing down at Chase with surprise and arousal and a feeling he doesn't want to put a name to. He can't, not here, not now, not yet, not... “Chase...” he gasps back, slowly thrusting his hips in and out of Chase's tight heat.

It's as easy to find a rhythm here together as it is when they fight side by side, and their pace speeds up until every thrust is hard and deep and quick, breathy kisses stolen in between.

When Shinnosuke starts to feel himself falter, he reaches a hand down to wrap around Chase's dick again, stroking it in time with his thrusts. Chase is shaking underneath him, voice tipping up into falsetto now and again as he moans and Shinnosuke is absolutely certain his nails are going to leave marks in Shinnosuke's arms for days. He doesn't care... because Chase's face is exquisite, open-mouthed and flushed, and it's only when his expression finally tips over into bliss that Shinnosuke loses himself too.

Chase winds his arms around Shinnosuke when the other collapses down into him and Shinnosuke presses a kiss into the curve of Chase's neck. Chase's mind has finally quieted, drifting along to heavy thumping of both of their hearts.

Shinnosuke drifts with him, lazily running his fingers through Chase's hair until their breathing has slowed, and then he rolls off. “Chase...” he murmurs drowsily, flinging one arm out in invitation.

Rolling over, Chase tucks his head against Shinnosuke's shoulder, settling one hand on his hip. Shinnosuke's arm comes up around his shoulders, snugging him in tightly before finally relaxing. It's only a few moments before the pattern of his breathing changes, and Chase listens to it, and to the sound of the heartbeat underneath his ear, until he drifts off into a blissfully dreamless sleep himself.

 


End file.
